Well, it’s Valentine’s Day again, and men everywhere are dreading the inevitable scrutiny they will receive for either taking it too seriously, or not seriously enough. Together, we will brave the gauntlet of florists and mall jewelry stores to purchase some overpriced token of our affection for the ones we love. 

The stakes seem to get higher every year, and the lines get longer, and the shopper’s demeanor responds accordingly; usually with acrimonious rage to anyone they encounter. 

Men’s True Feelings about Valentine’s Day

It’s high time men come clean on their true feelings for Valentine’s Day. After all, honesty is the most highly prized gift we can give to another person, so I’ve wrapped mine in a gossamer-thin layer of sarcasm, and delivered it to the hands of everyone reading this. 

So, here it is: Valentine’s Day is a scam. A marketing ploy designed to exploit shallow relationships for financial gain. 

An ingenious plot by America’s corporate juggernauts to use the most powerful human emotion, love, as an agent for wholesale extortion and exploitation. It’s a lie, a ruse, an unholy assault on the image of love between two people. 

Is Valentine’s Day a Scam?

But mostly, more than anything, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity for crappy partners to justify their lack of commitment over the balance of their relationships. It’s an outlet for the cheapskates and cop-outs of the dating world, while the good guys flounder in the maelstrom of their own sincerity.

I know what you must be thinking, “what a cranky jerk. He must just not have anyone to share Valentine’s Day with.” But the truth is, my wife and I both choose not to celebrate Valentine’s Day, and we both think it’s a pointless holiday. Not just because we’re awkward and judgmental, but also because as people who love and respect each other every day, 

Valentine’s seems like nothing but an excuse to buy things for the other person; which is both stupid and meaningless. To us, it just tends to amount to little more than cheap heart-shaped chocolates, thoughtlessly selected from a Wal-Mart aisle, festooned with pink foil and cardboard hearts hanging from the ceiling. How apropos. 

However, as a chocolate lover, I will admit that the day after Valentine’s is a glorious holiday filled with half-off chocolates for all. Rejoice!

One positive aspect of Valentine’s Day is that it’s a boon for the economy. All of our cumulative shortcomings and dysfunctional relationships result in a windfall of commerce for the retailers at the helm of the Valentine madness. 

I must confess that I find this to be the most evil aspect of the holiday. I guess anytime a giant corporation markets the virtues of love, I get, well…suspicious. But be that as it may, Valentine’s can be good for the economy so long as you loosen those purse strings – wink, wink.

Now that you know my feelings (and I’m convinced the feelings of most) on the subject of Valentine’s Day, I have a word of advice for you: If you must venture out into the retail scene to buy a special gift for your loved one, do us all a favor and BUY LOCAL. 

Your friends and neighbors depend on your last-ditch efforts to make the old lady smile, so throw ‘em a bone. Skip the mall and shop in town for a change. Your loved one will appreciate the sincerity, and our local economy will too. 

As for my wife and I, just leave us out of it.